inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh, Sharon Salzberg, Tara Brach, and Oren Jay Sofer
Introduction
Throughout the guided meditation, please do what will best serve you in that moment.
Remember that when you learn a new way to practice with something difficult, it’s always best to choose something with a lesser degree of suffering at first until you get used to the new way of practice.
Once you have a good grasp on the new way, then you can choose to practice with a difficulty that has a greater degree of suffering.
You’re invited to find a comfortable position.
Perhaps lying down would be most helpful if you’re practicing with something physical.
For emotional difficulties, sitting might be the best position.
And, if it’s a difficulty that lives in the mind—walking might be the best way to practice with it.
Take a few moments to settle yourself into mindfulness.
Nervous System Regulation
You might like to take three slow, deep breaths.
Perhaps breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, with a slightly longer exhale, will help you arrive in the here and now.
One………. two……….. three……….Good.
Now, if you like, you can do this next part with your eyes open.
Slowly turn your head to the left and breathe deeply in and out.
And then repeat that on the right.
Do that two more times on each side.
Left….in…..out. Right….in….out.
Left….in…..out. Right….in….out.
Great. We’re finding some stability and groundedness—regulating our nervous systems a bit so we can practice a little easier with our difficulties.
For this next part, you can also have your eyes open if you like.
Lace your fingers on both hands together, and place them behind your head, holding the base of your skull loosely in your palms.
While keeping your face pointed straight in front of you, slide just your eyes to the left.
And stay there, consciously relaxing your body, until you feel a slight sigh, a yawn, or some other knowing that you’ve become slightly calmer.
Then, slowly slide your eyes only (not your head or face) to the right and wait for another sign that you’ve found a bit more relaxation.
Wonderful. Hopefully, you’re feeling a little more solid and free now.
You can drop your hands and arms to lay in your lap or by your side—whatever’s comfortable for your position—and, if you’re comfortable doing so, slowly close your eyes if they’re still open.
Imagine for a moment that a waterfall of relaxation is pouring down your body, over your head, down your torso and arms, down your legs and feet, and rolling off the tips of your toes.
Acknowledging the Difficulty
Now, in a general and easy way, acknowledge the difficulty you’ve chosen to practice with today silently to yourself.
The great meditation teacher, Sharon Salzberg, would invite you to say, “Oh, so “this” is arising in me.” or “So, this is what’s here right now.”
Our dear Thay would invite us to say, “Hello, my little suffering.”
Just try to put an easy name or phrase describing it to the difficulty so you can address it in your mind.
Once you’ve broadly acknowledged it, we’re going recognize three distinct aspects of how we’re experiencing this difficulty and offer self-compassion for it in each of these distinct ways—
—how we feel it in our body’s sensations or physical tension,
—what emotions and feelings are associated with it,
—and how it might be giving rise to thoughts and stories.
If things start to become intense, at any point from here on, we can always move to concentrate on feeling grounded in the body with the sensation of the heaviness of gravity, or on our breath, or a touch point, or another anchor, instead
Body Sensations and Tension: Recognize and Offer Self-Compassion
Let’s start with the body.
We’ve spent some time finding some stability for our body so that we can now move to investigate the sensations we’re experiencing physically—hopefully without making it feel worse.
Where are you feeling this difficulty in your body, and how is it arising in a physical way for you? I will give you a moment to explore this.
………..
Now that we have mindfully recognized how this is physically affecting us, we have already begun to offer our physical impacts some self-compassion.
Let’s go a little further by offering ourselves some loving-kindness for how hard this is and acknowledging that this is part of the human condition.
How might we comfort a good friend if they were experiencing these sensations or tensions and they share it with us?
Take a few moments to feel this self-compassion as you soothe the physical impact of your difficulty.
………..
Emotions and Feelings: Recognize and Offer Self-Compassion
Now that we’ve established some solidity and offered some soothing to the body, we have a growing foundation on which to move into a different aspect of our experience with our difficulty—our feelings and emotions.
Can you investigate the tone of how you’re relating to your difficulty?
Do you recognize any distinct emotions—such as anger, frustration, or sadness?
Take some time to explore.
………..
Once you’re mindfully aware of how this difficulty is affecting you in an emotional way, can you begin to bring some tenderness to those feelings?
As Thay would encourage us to do—can you embrace your emotional pain or discomfort and soothe it like a mother would her crying baby?
Can you remind your emotional self that it’s a very human thing to feel difficult emotions when we’re suffering?
Generate and feel self-compassion for how this difficulty is impacting your emotions and feelings.
………..
Thoughts and Stories: Recognize and Offer Self-Compassion
Since we’ve taken time to recognize and offer self-compassion to both the impacts on our bodies and the emotions we’re experiencing from our difficulty; we can explore the mental impacts with greater strength.
How is your difficulty affecting your thinking and thoughts?
Are you ruminating? Are your thoughts racing?
Are you telling yourself a story to make some sense of this situation?
Take some time to look deeply at this.
………..
Now that you’re mindful of how your difficulty is impacting you mentally try to show the thoughts and stories in your mind some self-compassion.
Can you let go of the story? Can you not let the Second Arrow make things worse by beating yourself up for the thoughts you’re thinking?
Can you find solace in the knowledge that others often think similar things and tell themselves similar stories when they experience difficulties like you are now?
Lean into offering self-compassion for how your mind is thinking about this difficulty for a few moments.
………..
Gratitude
Now that we’ve identified the aspects of how we’re being impacted by our difficulty and offered self-compassion for all of them let’s move into the final portion of our framework—antidotes to difficulties.
The first is gratitude. Despite the physical, emotional and mental aspects of your difficulty, can you find something about
—your body to be grateful for?
—your feelings to be grateful for?
—your thoughts to be grateful for?
Take some time to sit with this appreciation for yourself despite the impacts of your difficulty.
………..
Wisdom
Finally, let’s explore how suffering can be a great teacher. With difficulties, there usually comes wisdom.
Have you gained any insights about how you physically deal with difficulty from this experience?
What about insights into your feelings when you’re faced with difficulties?
And, what insights have you awakened to about the thoughts you think or the stories you tell yourself when you’re experiencing something difficult?
Take a final moment to think about these questions.
………..
Conclusion
Now, let’s let go of our investigations and deep looking. Let’s let our feelings subside and offer some relaxation to any places in the body that might feel tense or tight.
Let’s take a final deep breath in through our nose and out through our mouth.
I hope you found this framework useful and that you might explore it independently the next time you feel overwhelmed by difficult physical, emotional, or mental suffering.
Thank you for your practice.
